Some thoughts on domestic violence

As Domestic Violence Awareness Month continued over the past several days, it seemed that memories of my past resurfaced to the point where I wanted to express how this type of violence affected me in ways I never expected. I felt I should also mention this type of physical, mental and emotional abuse was something I’m thankful I never faced during my childhood.

As my brother and I grew up, we always looked to our mother and father as the parents who served as role models and provided us with the help and love when we needed it.

However, this feeling of being safe was something my mother and her two brothers lacked when they were children. The reason? The abusive behavor of their father, who would later become my grandfather.

Looking back, I now wonder what caused my grandfather to act the way he did. Was he a victim of domestic violence when he was just a child? Had he dealt with something traumatic in his life that mentally damaged him? Perhaps it was something else.

While I never knew what caused him to act out against others in his family, his actions spoke volumes of the dangers my mother and others in her family dealt with. Along with the verbal abuse he inflicted on his family, my mother shared with me several instances when his actions physically hurt his wife and children.

In time, my mom’s older brother did something that turned the tables against his father. After dealing with this domestic violence for years, he finally threatened to take his sister -- my mom -- and his younger brother and leave their home unless his mother -- my grandmother -- filed for divorce and ended her relationship with her husband.

It was here that my mom and her brothers finally found peace, safety and love when they temporarily moved to a safe house where a man and woman served as their foster family.

Looking back on my childhood, I never knew my mom and her brothers became victims of domestic violence. It was something she never mentioned, especially when we went to visit our grandfather, who had remarried and was the father of two children, who were now my aunt and uncle, despite the fact I was older than both of them.

Not once did I ever suspect my grandfather was an abusive man whenever we visited him. His actions were always kind, and not once did my brother and I end up feeling threatened when we were with him.

Looking back, I’m wondering if my father had said or done something to my grandfather that kept him from acting irrationally. I’m betting my dad was ready to fight back if the need arose.

Unfortunately, I never had the honor of meeting my Uncle Larry, my mom’s older brother. He ended up losing his life as a result of a car crash when he was just 18 years old.

However, the emotional baggage my grandfather inflicted on my other uncle caused him to start abusing his wife and their daughter before they divorced and went their separate ways. He then remarried and became the father of two more children before he and his second wife also divorced.

Over the years, it became clear what happened to these cousins of mine as they grew up. My one cousin ended up going along a path of addiction that began when she started smoking when she was just a teenager and led to drug addiction a few years later.

While my cousin and I lost contact with one another after I graduated from high school and enlisted in the Air Force, we finally reconnected for a short amount of time once her dad – my uncle – passed away several years ago. For a while, we relied on social media to stay in touch.

However, those times were short lived once I started realizing she wouldn’t post anything for weeks or months at a time. The reason why absolutely shocked me when I learned her addiction to meth ended up sending her back to jail on a frequent basis.

It’s now been at least five years since we last contacted one another. I just hope she will find a way to break that cycle of addiction and rebuild her life.

While most of us might think her path to drug addiction was mere coincidence, national statistics speak otherwise. Of those in this nation dealing with addiction, 40 to 60 percent of them were victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. That number increases to more than 90 percent of drug addicts who reported being sexually assaulted at some point in their life, according to information provided by the Coalition to End Domestic Violence.

As I continued to reflect on this year’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month observance, I connected with this in ways I never expected. It involves my time with the Mountain Home News where I ended up dealing with the aftermath of domestic violence in ways that continue to haunt me.

Among these instances involved my time at the Elmore County Courthouse as I watched as Jorge Lopez-Orozco stood trial for murdering his girlfriend and her two children during the summer of 2002. He then tried to “cover up” his crimes by setting their car on fire in southeastern Elmore County before he fled the United States to avoid getting arrested.

It took nearly 10 years for authorities to finally track him down in Mexico and extradite him back to Idaho.

As I sat in the courtroom, I took note of how Lopez-Orozco acted during the trial. At no point did I ever see him show any signs of remorse or regret. Instead, he sat motionless in his seat as the trial continued over the next three weeks.

I then watched as the 12-person jury unanimously declared him guilty on three counts of premeditated murder. Again, he sat there without showing any emotion whatsoever.

At the same time, I stood up and saw the mother of Rebecca Ramirez, who broke down in tears once the jury reached its verdict. She struggled to regain her composure as she dealt with knowing the man who killed her daughter as well as her two grandchildren would now face the consequences for his actions.

Those consequences came two months later when he received the maximum sentence in which he received three life consecutive sentences.

Another thing that really bothered me in relation to this case involved the times Lopez-Orozco tried to hide his knowledge of the woman he was romantically involved with. At one time, he was considered a trusted member of her family.

However, when he faced questioning by law enforcement, he showed no emotion, no sorrow regarding Rebecca’s death. In fact, he refused to even remember her name. Instead, he simply referred to Ramirez as, “that woman in the newspapers.”

Following that sentencing hearing, I once again stood and prepared to leave the courtroom. However, I stopped as Rebecca’s mother came and wrapped her arms around me, placed her face against my shoulder and cried uncontrollably for several minutes. I simply stood there and allowed her to let her cry while I struggled to keep from crying as well.

For those out there in our community who dealt with domestic violence or know of others who faced this battle, I urge you to take time and find the help you and others need to restore a sense of peace and comfort. There are plenty of people in Mountain Home with the resources needed to provide you this type of support.

Please don’t hesitate to stop the “cycle of violence.” Reach out to those who can help you bring it to an end.

– Brian S. Orban