Sex on the beach not Dubai's cup of tea

"I just love Kenny Chesney's 'Got a Little Crazy."

You gotta love it when people get caught doing something stupid, get off on a warning, return to doing the same activity, get caught again and then claim to be the victim.

That's just what happening in Dubai this week.

Apparently, the Muslim emirate frowns on public display of affections and premarital sex is illegal there. Having premarital sex in public? That's a huge no go.

Unfortunately for British associate publisher of magazines Michelle Palmer, she's about to find out just how huge of a no go it is. It's probably somewhere between three months to six years of jail time though.

Palmer celebrated our country's independence day by attending a champagne breakfast Friday (only half of that sentence is true) and decided to make it an all day event. Which meant she was pretty drunk when she met a guy known to British media only as Vince, a friend of a coworker. The two went for a walk on the beach and at some point started to have sex.

A police officer came across the two and gave them a warning, which was pretty nice of him given the fact authorities there are under pressure to crack down on visitors' un-Muslim ways and have targeted beaches in particular.

Soon after the cop walks away, the couple resumes their activities and are caught again a short time latter by the same cop.

Upset at the cop for interrupting her drunken-beach action, she allegedly called him "a f****** Muslim ****," while trying to hit him with her high heels.

Now she's being charged with having sex outside of marriage, indecent behavior in public, being drunk in public and assaulting a police officer. Some people would say that's a good day of drinking.

She's been warned she faces three months to six years in prison and Vince faces similar charges. In an effort to receive a lesser punishment, the two may or may not have gotten married shortly after being released from jail. It's a good plan because everyone knows marriages are retroactive for a good 72 hours, and so therefore, the sex outside a marriage charge has to be dropped. It hasn't been confirmed by anyone, but the couple is spending their honeymoon constructing a hut over the spot they were caught having sex, thereby eliminating the indecent behavior in public charges.

Palmer is quoted as saying, "Because this is known everywhere they're going to make an example of us and we're going to get a higher sentence.

"We are in so much trouble and my family and everybody are affected. Until someone is in this situation they could never know what it's like. It's bad -- it's so, so bad.

"They are being pushed into a corner to make an example of us."

I agree with Palmer. This is so, so bad. She had only lived there for three years, she had no way of knowing authorities were going to crack down on people doing it in public or that the cop was only going to give her one warning before arresting her or that calling said officer a "f***** Muslim" while swinging a shoe at him was illegal either. Who doesn't like half-naked women trying to beat them down with a shoe while screaming obscenities at them? Some places charge you for things like that.

While I'm nothing of a British law expert, reason would suggest that having sex in random places in public in England is probably illegal too (turns out, I was wrong). What, other than a champagne breakfast/lunch/dinner, would make someone think it's OK to do in a Muslim country trying to crack down on such acts?

That's like hearing the Idaho State Police want to crack down on people speeding on the highway, getting in your car and driving 120 MPH, getting pulled over and getting off with a warning only to get pulled over by the same cop on your way home for going 120 MPH again. That just wouldn't pass the common sense test, now would it?

Neither does having sex on the middle of a beach in Dubai. Twice!

Perhaps she should have read this article, the beach isn't even on the list. Neither is Dubai.

Once she's released from jail, or better yet, sneaks out of the country, perhaps she might want to visit New York City or Canada on Canada Day.

However, she should be careful to avoid other peoples cars.

Most of my story came from The Sun, who is still trying to talk to Vince. If you know him, or any Vince at all, give Nick Parker a call at 020 7782 4104.

If she's ever caught again, she should just carry a bucket of paint with her or just stick to the drink.