The truth about 15 reasons to date a lawyer

eHarmony recently released a blog post advocating 15 reasons to date a lawyer. Below is the list with commentary from someone who is as close to being a lawyer as possible without actually being a lawyer. (44 days to go!)

1. Quoting your date will make you sound smarter: "My boyfriend is a lawyer and he says..."

This works until you start every sentence with "My boyfriend is a lawyer and he says..." Then people will just hate you and mock you when you're not around. Eventually you'll sound like Angela on "The Office" when she starts every sentence with "The Senator..." You don't want that because then one of your male co-workers might start secretly dating your lawyer boyfriend and then you'll have to marry your boss who also fathered your secret love child. You don't want that. Don't start sentences with "My boyfriend is a lawyer and he says..."

2. Your mom and dad will be impressed. Plus: A lawyer in the family is always a good thing!

This is probably true. My girlfriend posted a picture of the two of us on facebook when I graduated law school. I was wearing my cap and gown and one of her family members commented "Congrats!" on the picture. She maintains that the congrats was meant for me, but I'm pretty sure they were congratulating her on landing a future lawyer.

3. Most lawyers are fantastic dressers. (Yes, there's more than one suit in his/her closet.)

This is also true. Before I started law school, all I owned was jeans and t-shirts. Now I own a closet full of suits, dress pants, dress shirts and $8 ties from Ross that I bought as the result of many rounds of retail therapy the past three years.

4. Lawyers are financially secure.

I'm not sure who came up with this one. It sure would be nice if it were true. Given the amount of debt most law students graduate law school owing and the limited job prospects recent graduate face, this is probably more wishful thinking than anything resembling reality. Get back to me in a few years for an update.

5. Lawyers know how to present themselves well -- and up the charm. Your date will likely make a great impression with your friends and colleagues.

Probably. Until they open their mouth and start talking. There's a reason a lot of people don't like lawyers. It takes a certain type of person to be an attorney. Not everyone likes that type of person. See reasons six, nine and 13 for an idea why.

6. Your date will stand up for you, even when you're wrong.

Lawyers hate being wrong. If you're wrong about anything, your lawyer date will probably be the first to tell you. Or more annoyingly, research the topic and come find you when you've forgotten about the conversation and be like, "Hey, remember how you said '...' I checked it out, you were wrong." Did you see number five above?

7. Lawyers are often invited to interesting social events. Most of them include an open bar.

It is hard to beat an open bar...

8. Lawyers are very experienced negotiators and excel at conflict resolution.

Lawyers, good ones, care about getting what they want or what their clients want/need. This is good if you and your date want the same thing and he's using his negotiating skills to your benefit. This is less good if your date is using those negotiating skills to explain why what he wants is better than what you want in 10 easy to follow bullet points.

9. Like to debate? Your date is always up for that type of challenge.

Some lawyers do. I don't like them. You probably shouldn't either. I know lawyers who will debate with anyone about anything. Seriously, they will spend 20 minutes arguing with someone then at the end of the conversation be like, "I agree with you, I just wanted to debate the other side." Who wants to debate the other side of a topic with someone they agree with? People who like talking just to hear the sound of their own voice. Does that sound like someone you want to date?

10. Lawyers have good memories -- or at least good note-taking skills.

This is true, at least for me. Though I think I honed this skill as a journalist, not as a law student or lawyer. But I've noticed girls think this is more creepy than a desired trait. Girls think it's creepy if you randomly throw out a fact from a story they told you four months ago they don't remember telling you.

11. Speaking of note-taking, there will be plenty of free legal pads lying around.

Perks!

12. Your date will have interesting law-school stories (and lots of life experience). As a general rule, lawyers work hard and play hard.

As someone who spent three years in law school, there aren't any interesting law school stories worth telling.

But if you're interested in one anyways, here goes: I always knew I wanted to be a lawyer and since I was the best at everything I ever did, I decided to go to law school. The first year was hard because the professors make it a point to teach as little law as possible in the most confusing way as possible to hide the fact they are teaching as little law as possible. Than the second year starts and I figured out what was going on and it wasn't that bad. I realized that when my professor told me first year I would have to teach myself the law, I was capable of doing so and started questioning why I even came to class. Then I spent my entire third year wondering why I was still paying tuition to learn as little law as possible if I had the skills to teach myself the law I need to know.

Congratulations, you've now heard every law school story ever told. With the exception of, "One time, at law school, we went to this bar and..." There are no shortages of law school drunken antics stories.

13. Lawyers are eloquent, articulate and very insightful when it comes to reading another person's character.

They are either that or they are the most judgmental people who size up everyone they meet. I like your conclusion better. Let's go with that. Lawyers are insightful when it comes to reading another person's character. (Truthfully, the actual lawyers I've met have been a lot less judgmental than the majority of the people I went to law school with.)

14. Eloquence is sexy. So are briefcases.

Is this true? If so, I need to get a briefcase. I'm still lugging my backpack to the plaintiff's table with me before court.

15. If you ever need your partner's services, he/she will work especially hard for you.

No. This is a bad idea. The truth is if you ever need a lawyer, your lawyer partner will know a lawyer who can help you out. Lawyers shouldn't represent people they know because then this happens. See if you can find the audio recording, it's a great lesson on what not to do in court. It's also what happens when a lawyer represents his brother-in-law in an area of law he's never practiced before.